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2012-11-15 - Oddness in Otherworld: Elf's Revenge
It was honestly disturbing. Miniature elves had been assaulting children around the globe. Too many to track and stop individually as reports flowed in. So that meant going to it's source. To a realm of magic, mystics. To find out what chaos was afoot and put a stop to it before the holiday season took a turn out of a Weird Al song. And so, Pete Wisdom and help arrived in Otherworld, the glowing portal announcing thier presence as they faced off with the large chimera who handled arrivals. Said chimera was wearing a business suit and triple tie for it's three heads as they argued with one another. After working a case on his own where a woman's husband was murdered because he was on the naughty list, Blade had approached Pete earlier to compare notes. Though Blade is well versed in the occult, Wisdom was the resident expert on everything Otherworld. So the dhamphir had offered Pete his assistance and gone with him through the portal to Otherworld. Knowing a bit about the place, he had switched out his usual weaponry for things that would be more useful here. As he regards the chimera in the business suit he frowns slightly and comments. "I hate this place already." Pulling off his sunglasses and putting them in his suit pocket, Wisdom's free hand sprouted a series of menacing hot-knives. "I trust I don't have to fully debrief you as before? You run into King Arthur, do *not* tell him we could do with him. Do not join the Round Table. Don't eat anything. Don't pull anything from anything. Don't marry anything. Any questions?" he asked his companion. He rose a brow as he spied the three-headed monstrosity. And, suffice it to say, he approached. "Ho there. You three. Where's the nearest collection of Christmas elves, eh?" The chimera looks over at Pete, the falcon head speaking, "Picking up or dropping off?" Looking over at Blade as the Lion head growled, then the Snake head responding, "And where do you think those louts are? All they do day in day out is complain." In other words, the nearest available Otherwordly Pub. "We'll be keeping an eye on you Wisdom, remember that." THe triple sets of irises flickering on him. Blade snorts faintly and nods to Pete. "Yeah, I get you, Wisdom." He keeps his sunglasses on as he follows behind Pete when he goes to speak to the three headed monstrosity. "I'm just here to kill whatever you point me at." He reminds the mutant in a low voice. "Careful, Blade, what I might point at we may need a lawnmower for, instead of your handy set of tools." When the chimera speaks, he snorted and looked away. "Three times the charm, you lot. If any one of you would be so kind as to point a tourist in the right direction? Cheers, lads." The chimera growls, "If there's any repeat of the Disco Inferno incident, your laundry will be hung out to dry for all to see, Wisdom. And don't you forget that." The Lion jerks a thumb over and hands over a brochure, which flashes and glows, amgically displaying directions. Blade huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. "Then you better be sure that what you point at, you want dead." He does lift a hand to lower his sunglasses slightly as he takes a closer look at the chimera. "Huh." He comments to himself before looking over Pete's shoulder at the brochure. "Long as you'll be there to pick it up for me, I'm not complaining," Pete replied rather snarkily. But he snatched the brochure, and began to follow the directions, keeping a wary eye out under bushes and tables and atop lampposts or trees - whatever he might inadvertently spy that could well be hiding. Along the way, he would see the normal inhabitants of Otherworld. Tomatoes, The Dread Rabbit of Caerbong, and many, many goats wearing robes going back and forth giving Wisdom a wide berth. ONe of the goats in a robe growled over at Blade, "We don't like your kind here." Blade replies to the goat. "Then you have two choices. Do something about it or get over it. Which will it be?" He smiles at the thing, showing his fangs before snorting softly and going on about his business. "Easy, Blade," Wisdom said. "Let them have their gripe. We're on a mission, and on thin lines as it is. Can't risk war due to some bullheaded billygoat and your bloodlust." He passed by a blue telephone box, shook his head, and wandered into the pub proper. He held the door open for Blade, and what followed was likely an assault on the senses, both natural and supernatural. The BillyGoat Gruff let out a growl, but walked away. There were rules, after all. Next walking past the duo was a figure of a mad Englishman with a long beard and a top hat, grinning maniacally, sweeping off the top hat as they passed, "Tell Brian I said hello,l He'll know what I meant." Assuming the two didn't stop to itneract with the man, the Pub would be right around the corner. Blade grunts faintly at Pete's comment. He walks into the pub as Pete holds the door open for him. He looks at the mad Englishman and shakes his head. "Wisdom, I'm surprised you're still sane after frequenting this place so much." Chuckling, Wisdom smiled as he stepped in after Blade. "My dear lad, who ever said I was still sane? I've just got duty," he said. "Now then..." As was only appropriate, he approached the bar, and set his hand down firmly on the counter, standing next to an impish little man holding a rolled-up batch of golden thread rather greedily. "One mead, if you don't mind, please," he asked one of the likely many tenders. "And if you could politely point out where Nicholas' Little Helpers might be?" he put down two pounds. England was England, and money was money. At least, he hoped. And even a pound might be a helpful bribe. The man grins over, "A pound for a pound then my boy? I think you'll have a good start, if you care, right over there?" Grinning madly, and looking over at a pocket watch, "And if you'll excuse me, I'm about to be running out of time." Said pocket watch was running backwards, after all. He gave a sweeping bow then right as he stepped out of the way to avoid a frantically running man with wild hair, an overly long trenchcoat, and a multicolored scarf that seemed to make up a majority of his bodymass going past. Over at a side table now were a trio of thuggish looking biker elves, looking like Hells Angel Elves with tatoos and everything. Blade shakes his head as he steps up to the counter. He thought briefly about asking for a drink, but he realizes that he doesn't really eat or drink anything. Just uses the serum. But when the little man points out the biker elves to Pete, Blade's mouth twitches slightly, almost as if he wanted to smile. "Is this motherfucker serious?" He comments under his breath before looking back over to Pete. "Your show, Wisdom." "Of course it is, Blade. Don't worry, you'll get to use your pigsticker soon enough. Er, no offense, mate" he said, patting the shoulder of a sad-looking swine, drowning his sorrows of lost brethren in a mug of something. Approaching the trio of elves, Wisdom, putting his money where his mouth was, reached down to quite handily lift one of the elves up from his seat. Face to face, holding the elf up in the air, Wisdom asked, in Gaelic, "Where's your North Pole brethren? I've got business with them and their boss. Make my job easier and you get to donate your teeth to the fairy on your own time." One of the Hell's Elves looked over at Blade and growled, "Oh, it's you. I'll have you know what I did with your mamm was entirely consensual and she thanked me afterwords!" Looking up at his compatriot, hefted up by Wisdom, and letting out a grin. THe elf who Wisdom was yanking growled, "PUt me down you sod. And we're everywhere." Blade was getting a kick out of Pete ruffing up an elf. There was just something...cool about that, despite what he thought about most of the inhabitants here. However when the elf makes a comment about his mother, which was an already touchy subject with Blade as it were. The man's body goes all still and silent. The eyes hidden behind the sunglasses stare at the elf that made the comment. Having worked with Blade before, Pete would be aware that the killing could possibly begin at any moment now. Not listening to the elf in his arms, Pete handily started walking towards the door. "Don't want to cause too much of a ruckus. We'll handle this outdoors. If you're one of them, you'll tell me why you're risking war by killing children on Earth." Once he shoved past the door, he would tilt the elf upside down, and likely dunk him in a watering trough for horses and other livestock. "And you'll tell me now." He's leaving Blade alone with the rude elves. Maybe he did that on purpose. Pete was left with the elves inside, and the mad bartender who looked like a pimped out leprechaun glancing over at him, "ye break it, ye buy it lad.." To Blade as Pete left him inside, "And please don't muss up the entire place. Unicorn blood is so hard to get out of the floor." Blade left wtih three elves drawin gout silver switchblades that glowed with runes and powered energy. And outside, as Pete stalked out with his elf in tow, a half dozen other elves with small looking machine guns to befit thier small sttaure pointing at him, grinning as the one he was hauling spoke, "I didn't lie. I did say we were everyhwere.." Blade spares a glance towards the bartender and then looks back towards the elves. Then is body is no longer where it was as he moved at superhuman speed towards the trio. Drawing an iron dagger from the confines of his coat, he attempts to plant it into the skull of the first elf, then attempts to snap the neck of the second. The third..the one that spoke ill of his mother..he had special plans for. Pete Wisdom held the elf up for the others to see. And then his hot-knives extended, three feet from each finger, bright, shimmery, the color of glowing molten metal, ten sun-hot spikes spearing through the elf in a shower of blood and horror. And then he pulled his hands apart, shredding the elf as Pete tried to duck for cover... by leaping into the metal trough! Not everyone has superhuman endurance or regeneration. Blood would be spilt this day. Fro the moment, it was just the elves. Wtih guns. Metal fired. Sabers clashed. Fire burnt. There were howls and squeals of pain within the bar and without. As Blade slashed through one and skewered him lik ea pig, a rabbit in a long overcoat ran past, "Scuse me, going through, don't mind me." Outside, the elves with machine guns blasted, two of them shot through by Pete with his metal knives, thier return fire peppering over the cast iron trough then where a larg eshaggy sheepdog wtih a pair of horns was tied up to. Blade simultaneously draws his dagger from the skull of the first elf while grabbing the third one. He wanted to sink his teeth into the little thing, but Wisdom did tell him not to eat anything from here, so he simply hurls him towards the door and then moves towards the exit himself, drawing a pair of machine gun pistols as he moves. He heard gunfire outside. He knew that Pete was more than capable of handling himself, but he went nonetheless. Pete Wisdom had to wait, using the trough as cover. When he heard the initial firing stop, he rose up out of the water, wet and steaming with his body heat rapidly increasing. He threw his hands out, tiny shards of solid heat zipping from his fingertips towards his assailants. Hot-knives spouted like bullets in a storm of thermokinetic death on the elves. "Bite my arse you fairy fuckers!" The Elves would be peppered, inside and out. Blasted and slashed, skewered about. They were rended apart to the tune of a rhyme. Just like them to all die on time. They were a pile, they were a rut. One of them was skewered right up his... THe rules of Otherworld were thick, they were confusing, but they were also literal once one could grasp the logic. Blade was very, very right as he went outside to find PEte dealing with the last of them. And, as the few elves were left in the ground in pain, the one that Blade had just tossed through the door bouncing like a dwarf bowling ball, a man walked up towards Pete. He might have been Pete's brother, aside from the fact his hair was blonde instead of Pete's darker hues. TO Pete, he gave a withering right cross while going, "Sodding ripoff. Get outta my way you git!" Then heading to the bar and lighting up a fag as he passed Blade. Blade doesn't have time to contemplate the blonde man as he walks past him. Once outside, his eyes immediately looked for the threat and the source of the shooting. Seeing a lot of elves lying about in pain dying or already dead the vampire huffs a little to himself and then looked about for his companion. "Wisdom..you still alive?" Pete Wisdom was, surprisingly, unhurt. Perhaps a few rounds hit him in the center mass, but body armor under his coat helped that. And then he was clocked in the jaw by some blonde sod who looked like Sting. Pete would get him later. Crawling out of the trough, He paused a minute, and then he started to steam. Quite a lot. Increasing his heat enough to dry off, he looked at Blade. "Fine," he said, rubbing his jaw, "we need to look for survivors so we can question them appropriately." The elf that Blade had set a new record in dwarf tossing was still somewhat alive, picking himself up off the ground, looking sore all over then, but disarmed, and for the moment, alone as he looked up at the two, on his hands and knees, "oh bugger me arse." Blade grins, showing his teeth again. "I think I found a canidate." He points one of his guns at the elf and motions with it for him to stand up. Approaching slowly, Blade comments, "I'm willing to bet that now you wish you had not made that comment about my mother. Answer the man's questions and we may just let you live." Holstering the one in his left hand, he keeps the gun in his right trained on the little bastard. Pete Wisdom stepped towards the elf, before he knelt down by him, but out of gunshot. "Start talking. WHY are you invading Earth, and why are you killing children? What's the Big Man got to do with it?" The elf laughs, "The big man? The jolly old fatass? He's gotten soft. He's gotten round. He's forgotten what he's supposed to do." Coughing up blood as Pete grabbed him. "You get too soft on milk and cookies. Man's forgotten the other part of his job. Lookat the world today." Blade keeps the gun trained on the elf and then frowns. "The world has always been a cesspot. What's changed?" "Seriously. And where's his brother, if people don't deserve gifts? Where's Krampus, you sodding elf!?" Punch. Incoming. The elf's eye was balckened further, "The Big Man forgot he's got another job. The world's gottne too naughty. He's gottne too soft. Focused on playing nice. So he's been kicked out." *WHAM* "The world needs a reminder that naughty isn't nice." The Elf was bleeding heavily. Blade snarls. "And your answer is to kill children? And they call me a monster." Okay, he was..but at least he didn't kill kids...often. Unless they were vampire kids. Out came the hot-knives from one of Pete's hands. Well, a finger tip. And he calmly started to draw a tic-tac-toe on the elf's face. "Where is Krampus? Your boss has been kicked out. Who's his usurper?" The Elf let out a howl, "You know where to look. In the castle at the end of the rainbow. At the citadel at the pole that always swings backwards." Blade holsters his gun a look of contempt given to the elf. He doesn't say anything else. It was up to Wisdom to kill the bastard or let him go. Clearly not getting any names, Wisdom quietly finished off the elf. Standing up, he sighed. "Guess we'll have to dress warm," he said. The Castle of Doom at th eend of the rainbow where things swung sideways. Only in Otherworld. The madly attired Englishman with the wild hair and the multi-colored scarf hurried past the duo again out from the bar. Blade removes a canister from his belt and places it into his mouth. A faint hissing sound can be heard and the vampire all of a sudden doesn't look so tense. He puts the canister back and then looks at Pete. "Cold doesn't bother me." He looks at the man hurrying past..was that the Doctor? A-ha! "Sir! Sir!" Wisdom called out to the wild-haired man. "Might we use your telephone box? We don't need to travel anywhen, just somewhere, if you please." The man gives a look over at Pete, "Well, that's the problem. I'm looking for it myself!" He smiles, "So sorry, if I can catch it I'll clome back to give you a swing!"